MATCHY-MATCHY SILVER TABLE LAMPS (with TWO sets of lampshades!) - $45 (for both)
Height 27in

This, right here, is the very definition of shady business.

Should you decide to purchase these silver towers of light-giving, we will set a discrete meeting spot somewhere in a dark alley (pimps will be provided for ambiance), where we will conclude our shady dealings, take your shadily-earned unmarked cash (only), and surreptitiously hand off these two lamps and four, yes, you read that right, four lamp shades.

Who in the hell has interchangeable lampshades? You do, ya' shade-tastic sum'batch. ...you do.